


My Winding Wheel

by thornfield_girl



Series: Somehow, Someday [3]
Category: Justified
Genre: Complete, Domestic, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Love, M/M, Same-Sex Marriage, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-12
Updated: 2011-12-19
Packaged: 2017-10-27 06:16:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/292539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thornfield_girl/pseuds/thornfield_girl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a three-chapter fic I wrote as part of my long series, mainly because I just missed this incarnation of Raylan and Boyd and wanted to visit with them.</p><p>Raylan gets injured on the job, and shortly after he has to return to Harlan due to a death in the family. They both learn some things about what home means to them, and what they mean to each other. And some sex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I'll Let Your Smile Just Off and Carry Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raylan is injured in the field and it brings some things into focus for the couple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter One title is from "In My Time of Need."
> 
> Will you comfort me in my time of need  
> Can you take away the pain of hurtful deeds  
> Cause I will comfort you when my days are through  
> And I'll let your smile just off and carry me

Boyd had been digging out a space for a raised garden bed at the home of a wealthy customer in Tacoma Park when he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. He mopped his face with a rag from his back pocket, and pulled out the phone. The readout said Mercy Hospital, and Boyd's stomach dropped like a boulder. _Fuck. _Raylan.__

"Hello... Yes it is... How bad? OK, I'll be there as soon as I can."

Raylan had transferred to the Baltimore office after a year in Syracuse. The winter had just been too much for both of them, but neither thought it was a great idea to move back to the deep south. Maryland had seemed like a decent compromise, and they were going on their third year here, but the reality of it was a mixed bag. Boyd had found a decent job - not so easy to do with a background like his - although there wasn't much in the way of landscaping work from December to March or April. He liked working outside. They lived in a suburb south of the city, where Boyd sometimes felt like he was back in Kentucky. The accent was unfamiliar, but not the faces. Elsewhere around the city and the surrounding areas did not feel so familiar, but Boyd was more or less ok with it. He'd long since had his offending ink lasered off, but he knew some people made certain assumptions about him because of his accent and where he came from. Mostly, he just waited them out and they eventually got past it. It usually helped if they knew about Raylan - for some reason lots of people seemed to think you couldn't be gay and still be a racist, which Boyd thought was sort of funny. Anyway, there wasn't anything for it. He had changed quite a lot since leaving Harlan, much more than he would have thought possible, but he couldn't lose the accent if he wanted to - not that he did.

He jogged over to the guy in charge of the job and told him what had happened, then got in his truck and started heading up I-95. Despite being the middle of the day, traffic was slow. Boyd thought he could probably make this drive at 3am and there would still be a backup of rubberneckers watching someone get a ticket. Boyd was sitting in traffic, drumming his fingers on the wheel, completely unable to sit still. The nurse had said that Raylan was stable, he'd been shot in the shoulder and he'd be fine. His stomach still hurt from the jolt of adrenaline he'd felt when he'd looked at his phone, but he wasn't worried about Raylan now. He was thinking about Andrew. Raylan's son was three now, and Boyd had been around since he was six months old. He was as much a father to him as Raylan was, and as Boyd crawled up the interstate, he became more and more agitated about the reality of their situation. If Raylan had died today, Andrew would be lost to him completely. He would be placed, presumably, with Winona's parents, with whom Raylan maintained a polite relationship. He sometimes drove down to meet them in Virginia at Winona's sister's house, and let them take Andrew for a few hours. They were extremely conservative and religious, and it had been an unbelievably uncomfortable conversation for Raylan when he had to explain to them who "Boy" was, after Andrew spent an entire afternoon telling them about how he and Daddy took him to the zoo. Boyd had no illusions that he would ever get to see him again if they had him.

Finally, he made it to Baltimore and parked in the hospital garage. As he walked in and headed up the elevator, he worked on composing his face. He didn't want to make Raylan feel like he blamed him for getting shot, or for any of the rest of it. Boyd wasn't angry with Raylan, but he was definitely angry. He walked down the hallway to where a nurse had directed him, took a deep breath, and walked in to see Raylan lying in bed and watching Law and Order on tv. He turned it off when Boyd came in, and gave him a tired smile.

"You're here."

"I'm here. How're you feeling?" Boyd walked over to the bed and kissed his cheek.

"Not too bad. How's it feel to be on the other end of this scene?"

"That's not very funny. It feels like shit, as you well know, and I didn't even do the shooting. I am hoping you don't find religion, though. That could be inconvenient for me."

"I think it's a little late for all that, don't you? I figure, if there's a hell I've got plenty on my resume to send me there before they even get to who I sleep with.

"You and me both, Raylan." He took Raylan's hand and leaned against the bed. "What do you want me to tell the kid?"

"The truth, I guess. I got hurt at work, but I'm fine. They're keeping me here tonight, but I should be able to go home in the morning. Think you could take the day off tomorrow and come get me?"

"I don't know, I got some dogwoods waiting that ain't gonna plant themselves." Boyd rolled his eyes and smiled. "Of course I can do that, dumbass."

"I been laying here thinking about this, and driving myself crazy. We have to figure out something for Andrew. What if I had - "

"I know. I was thinking the same thing the whole way up here. I wasn't going to say anything, I figured it would keep until you get out of here, but you're right. It's bad. I just don't know what to do about it. I'll never be allowed to adopt him with my record, you know that."

"Maybe if we got married we'd have an easier time."

Boyd blinked at him. "What?"

"You heard me."

"You want to get married?"

"It's not about that, it's about being a family with you and Andrew. It's about you being his daddy even if I'm not here."

Boyd's face suddenly split into a wide grin.

"Raylan, I'll marry you if you want. On one condition."

"What's that?"

"Ava has to personally bring the news to Arlo, film his reaction and send it to us."

They both started laughing then, and couldn't stop for quite awhile even though it hurt Raylan's shoulder. Boyd stayed a little longer, then went to pick up Andrew from the daycare center.

******************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

"Boy!" Andrew came barreling at him and Boyd scooped him up. He was a skinny little guy with golden blonde hair and Winona's big blue eyes. It was hard to tell who he was going to end up resembling more, but either way there wasn't much chance of him not turning out beautiful.

"Hey little man. You want to go out to McDonald's for supper?"

"Yay! With Daddy?"

"No, he can't eat with us tonight." Boyd wrote in the sign-out sheet and grabbed Andrew's lunch box and back pack, then they headed out to the car.

"Why can't Daddy come? Is he catching bad guys? Daddy's good at catching bad guys!"

Boyd smiled, thinking that this was certainly true in at least one case that he knew of.

"Daddy got hurt today, so he had to go to the hospital. He's ok, and we're going to pick him up in the morning, but tonight it's just you and me, buddy."

"Did he get shot with a gun?"

Boyd sighed. He'd seen his own daddy with gunshots more than a couple times growing up, it was just part of his reality. Andrew lived in a very different world, but the danger was no less for his daddy. For one of them, anyway.

"He did, but it was just in the shoulder. He'll be all better real soon."

They went to McDonald's, and then home, where Boyd watched the Orioles lose to the Yankees (not that he cared, but he couldn't seem to focus on a book) while Andrew played with his train table until bedtime.

Raylan came home the next day, but was on a medical leave for the next two weeks. After that, he'd be on a desk until his shoulder had been rehabbed enough for him to be able to shoot a gun. Boyd kind of wished it had been blown out completely so they'd never let him in the field again, but he'd never say that to Raylan.

The lawyer they spoke to pretty much confirmed what they had talked about. In truth, Boyd was somewhat uncomfortable with the idea of marrying Raylan, and he was unsure of exactly why. Perhaps it was the vestiges of his religious faith, which at this point was basically in tatters. He wasn't sure he believed in God at all anymore, and he certainly didn't believe in the kinds of rules he once thought He had made for mankind to live by. If those rules were real, Boyd wanted no parts of them, would prefer to take his chances on the afterlife whose very existence he had come to doubt. Why this step in particular should bother him, he really had no idea, so maybe it wasn't that at all. Maybe it was simply that it clashed with the way he had always viewed himself, and his relationship with Raylan. Boyd had always considered his feelings towards men to be of a solely sexual nature, with only the one exception. With Raylan, it was different, because Raylan was his friend first, and most importantly. Raylan was part of him, he fit into his soul like a key, and marriage seemed pedestrian compared to that, unnecessary. He supposed that part of him worried that it would cheapen what they had, although he knew that didn't make any kind of sense in reality. In any case, it didn't matter. He would do what he needed to do to protect his family.

That night, after Andrew was in bed, Raylan and Boyd were watching television in their room.

"You think Tigg's gonna kill Clay?"

"Didn't we have this conversation last season, when you thought it might be Opie? You did go to college, right Raylan?"

"Yeah, so?"

"So didn't you read Hamlet? Jax has to do it."

"They're just fictional characters, the writers can make them do whatever they want."

"But they won't."

Raylan paused the show and looked at Boyd.

"We haven't talked about what we're going to do."

"I said I'd do it, Raylan. So, let's do it."

"You don't sound too thrilled about it."

"I don't need to be thrilled, do I? It's important."

"Jesus. I guess not. What's the problem, anyway?"

"There's no problem. I just said there wasn't."

"Boyd..."

"Will you stop? Raylan, I'm sorry I can't be excited about it. It just doesn't feel like us, that's all."

"Really. How so? Too domestic? Like a house in the goddamn suburbs, a kid in daycare and tv in bed at ten o'clock?"

"No, that ain't it. Don't put words in my mouth, Raylan. You think I don't like this life? I love it. I never even knew it could exist for me, it's like a goddamn fairy tale."

Raylan had been gearing up for an argument, really for no other reason than the fact that he was going stir crazy after a week in the house by himself, but that stopped him. Boyd had never said anything like that before - Raylan hadn't really had any idea he felt that way.

"I'm sorry. I love it too. At first I was afraid we'd get bored once we were't sneaking around and fucking in the woods."

"Well, I do kind of miss fucking in the woods, but maybe we could go camping."

"Listen. I shouldn't have made you feel bad about your reaction. You don't have to be excited about it, I just don't want to feel like I'm pressuring you into it."

"You never did. I want to, it's for Andrew. And it's for me, because if I lost you it would be terrible, but if I lost him on top of that I don't really know what I'd do. Nothing good, anyway."

"Come on, Boyd. You ain't gonna lose me."

"Your Kentucky comes back on when you're about to cry."

"That ain't the only time." Raylan reached over and ran his hand up the inside of Boyd's thigh. Boyd grinned and turned to kiss him.

"What are you up for tonight? I don't want to set back your recovery."

"Don't you?"

Boyd raised his eyebrows at Raylan, surprised that he'd figured this out. Raylan wasn't the world's most perceptive person when it came to emotions - his own or those of others - and Boyd was a pretty good actor.

"I don't want you to stop doing what you like, and what you're good at, Raylan. I just don't want you to get killed."

"I know. Thanks for not asking me to..." Raylan made a vague gesture and trailed off, and Boyd knew it was because he was thinking about Winona. One of the main conflicts during their marriage had been the danger of his job, and when they had been planning to get back together, he had promised to get out of the field and teach at Glynco.

"I wouldn't. I don't want to change you."

"Why not? You've changed."

"I had to. You didn't make me, I did that myself. Do you miss me the way I used to be?"

"You mean, the guy I found when I came back to Harlan? I seem to recall shooting that asshole. I don't miss him at all. Who you are now makes more sense to me."

"I never could have seen myself like this."

"No, I don't think either of us could have imagined anything like this. I think that happens to people fairly frequently."

"Not in Harlan."

"But we're not in Harlan anymore."

"Enough talk, Raylan. We got better things to do."

"Like finish watching Sons of Anarchy?"

"Hmm. Why don't you just leave it on, I can do both."

"I'll mute the sound."

"Good idea."

Boyd started pulling up Raylan's shirt, kissing his chest and stomach as he went. He eased the shirt over Raylan's head, minding the injured shoulder, which was still wrapped in a bandage. He took off his own shirt then, exposing the scars from when Raylan had shot him (among others), and the slightly tightened skin from where the swastika had been removed from his arm.

Raylan raised his good arm to Boyd's chest and ran his fingers lightly over the old wound, then leaned over and kissed it. "We ain't exactly shiny and new, are we."

Boyd smiled, but didn't answer. Shiny and new wasn't a concept he'd ever been familiar with. He and Raylan had both been plenty scarred already when they first met, and the years between then and now had added many more. He loved the scar from Raylan's gun more than anything, although the one time he'd tried to explain it to Raylan, it hadn't gone over too well. Boyd couldn't see it, or feel it, without remembering Raylan's visit to him afterwards. It had been painful, but it had also been a revelation, and a relief. At the time, he hadn't had any idea that they might end up together, but it was enough to know that he'd been in Raylan's heart all that time. He'd wondered for many years if he was the only one holding on to those memories.

He grasped the hair at the back of Raylan's head and pulled his head back gently, then bent to kiss and lick his throat, jaw and neck. Raylan sighed contentedly, and Boyd kept going, lower and lower. When he got to Raylan's stomach, he hooked his fingers into the waistband of his sleep pants, reaching back to pull them down his legs. His cock was hard, and as Boyd continued to kiss his stomach and thighs, he let out a quiet moan. That brought a smile to Boyd's face, and he decided it was his mission tonight to drive Raylan crazy. He reached into the bedside table for some oil and poured it into his hand. He smeared it over Raylan's chest and arms, massaging him slowly. A soft smile had appeared on Raylan's face, and his eyes were closed. Boyd continued to apply oil and rub his body all the way down, massaging the thighs and calves, and then his feet. He came back up to lay next to Raylan when he was finished with that, and laid his head on the same pillow, just next to his ear. He rubbed Raylan's cock with slippery, oiled fingers, very slowly, and whispered into his ear.

" _Raylan._ "

Raylan sighed again, the smile never leaving his face. Boyd kept stroking him, and licked at his ear once. After some time, Boyd moved back down and took Raylan's cock into his mouth. It was warm and slick from the oil, and very hard. Boyd did this slowly too. He could feel Raylan start to grow restless, bucking his hips up, so he held him down and continued to go slow. Boyd was incredibly aroused by this time too, and he rubbed himself against Raylan's leg as he sucked him.

"Boyd... come on."

Boyd said nothing, but slid his hand under Raylan's ass and rubbed one of his fingers against his hole. Raylan grunted and spread his legs apart further, so Boyd pushed one in while he continued to slide his mouth up and down on Raylan's cock at the same slow pace. Raylan pushed against his hand. He worked two more fingers inside, then glanced up at Raylan's face. It looked as beautiful as he'd ever seen it look, more beautiful even than it had when they were young. His eyes were closed, his mouth open only slightly, a slight flush to his cheeks and his hair was everywhere. All at once, Boyd didn't want to wait anymore. He sped up his movements on Raylan's cock, pushing his fingers in as far as they'd go. Raylan's hand reached the top of his head and started pushing it down, making him move even faster.

"Oh god... oh yeah... I'm gonna - more, please, more..." Boyd worked his fingers harder while Raylan jerked up into his mouth. Boyd felt him swell inside his mouth, and heard him groan in a way that was now wonderfully familiar. He loved making Raylan feel good. He pulled himself free and kissed Raylan on the hip as he got his breath back.

"Come up here, Boyd. I need to see your face."

Boyd moved up the bed and stroked the side of Raylan's face as he kissed him. Then Raylan sat up and put his feet on the floor.

"Come sit over here." Boyd did, and Raylan sank to his knees on the floor in front of him. As Boyd slid into Raylan's mouth, he knew it wasn't going to take long. He had almost come several times already, because nothing turned him on more than seeing Raylan like that. Now he brushed his fingers through the hair on the back of Raylan's head, strands of brown and gray sifting through his fingers. Raylan's tongue was moving everywhere over his cock, and when he moved his hand from Boyd's thigh to just behind his balls, Boyd didn't want to deny himself anymore. He pushed Raylan's head down, and he felt his cock hit the back of Raylan's throat. Just before he came, as always, even now after all this time, his mind registered some slight amazement that this was Raylan, that this was them, that they could do this. It sent a thrill through his stomach, straight to his cock, and sent him over the edge. He didn't know if he'd ever get over that, but he sincerely hoped not.

They got back into bed, pulled the covers up, and Boyd carefully settled an arm over Raylan's chest. His injured shoulder made things slightly awkward.

"I think we're going to have to watch the show again, Raylan. I sort of lost focus there."

"I'm glad to hear it. But let's do that tomorrow, I need to talk to you."

"OK."

"You know... ever since I got shot, I can't get this out of my head. It's stupid, but it just won't go away. What if you had died when I shot you? You almost died. I almost killed you. I would have been..." He trailed off. Boyd wondered what he was seeing.

"Raylan, I'm here. You didn't kill me, that bullet saved my life."

"Boyd -"

"I'm serious. You know I made you shoot me anyway, it wasn't your fault."

"I should have known you wouldn't really do it. I should have known you were just testing - "

"I don't know if I was though, Raylan. I don't know if I even knew in that moment what I was gonna do, so how could you know? You said it yourself, you shot some asshole. It wasn't really me, not the person I am now or the person you used to know. Maybe you did kill him, maybe he died there on the floor at Ava's and let me out. However you want to look at it, it's done now. It was a long time ago, and this is where we ended up. I can't feel bad about that."

"We wasted so much time."

"I don't know. You think it could have worked out if we'd tried to do this back then? I think it probably would have been a goddamn disaster."

"As opposed to the other disasters in our lives?"

"Sure. We got all that out of the way. Now we're perfect."

"You say that like it's a joke, but this does feel perfect to me."

"I wasn't really joking."

Boyd reached over, turned out the light, and they both fell asleep in minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Same-sex marriage is not currently legal in the state of Maryland, but I think it's coming soon and it has the support of Governor O'Malley and the mayor of Baltimore. For the purposes of this story, which is set a few years from now, I'm assuming it passes.
> 
> I should also say, I don't really know much about adoption law. I did a little research, and from what I could tell, a spouse doesn't have to meet the same standards as someone adopting the child of a non-spouse, but I couldn't find any information on this specific to Maryland. I hope it's not terribly inaccurate.


	2. Ah the Night, Here it Comes Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raylan is forced to return to Harlan due to a death in the family.

Raylan had been back at work a couple weeks, but he was still stuck behind a desk. The shoulder was giving him more trouble than had been expected, and he was feeling frustrated. On the Friday of his second week back, he decided to take half a personal day just so he could get out of the office. There was nothing in particular that he needed to do, or even anything he wanted to do. He got in the car and drove towards home, then decided to pick Andrew up early and take him to the park. At the daycare, he watched his son for a couple minutes before the boy noticed him there. He was a serious kid, but sweet-natured, and looked more like Winona all the time.

"Daddy!"

"Hey little man. I got off work early, thought you might want to hang out."

"OK, can we go to McDonald's?"

"Didn't you just eat lunch?"

"Yeah, but not McDonald's."

"No McDonald's. But you can have pizza tonight, because Karen is coming to babysit."

"Why?"

"Because Boyd and I are going out."

"On a date?"

"Uh huh."

"Jeremy says only boys and girls can go on dates and get married, but I told him that's not true."

"That's right. It's ok if you ever don't feel like arguing with people about that, though, you know. Some people don't like it."

"Why?"

"They're just not used to it, I guess."

At the playground, Andrew played on the smaller of the two play structures, and Raylan settled himself on a bench to watch. There was a small group of women standing next to the sandbox, occasionally casting glances over at him and quite obviously talking about him. Raylan wasn't surprised - a man at the playground in the middle of the day was somewhat unusual in itself, and Raylan always attracted a fair amount of female attention wherever he was - but he wasn't in the mood. He was feeling irritated by his work situation, and his shoulder was bothering him again, so he kept his eyes on Andrew and tried to appear unapproachable. They stayed for 45 minutes or so, then headed home. Just as they were pulling into the driveway, Raylan's phone started buzzing. He glanced at it, saw that it was Ava, and picked it up as he helped Andrew out of his carseat.

"Hey, Ava."

"Hi, Raylan. How're you doing?"

"Uh... pretty good. Shoulder's healing up a little slower than I'd like, but otherwise fine. How are you?"

"Oh Raylan... I'm sorry, I'm calling with some bad news. I stopped by to check on Arlo this afternoon - "

"Which is more than that old bastard deserves, by the way."

"Hush, Raylan. You know that's how we do things here. And anyway, it's beside the point now. He's dead, honey. Maybe a heart attack or something like that. He was just keeled over at the kitchen table. I'm sorry."

Raylan didn't speak for a few moments as he plopped Andrew on the couch and turned on Nick Jr. He headed into the kitchen for a glass and the bottle of bourbon they kept over the sink.

"Raylan? You ok?"

"Yeah, Ava. I'm ok. He poured himself a generous glass and sat down at the table. "I guess I'll have to head down there and deal with the house and all that shit."

"You're welcome to stay with me, if you don't want to sleep there."

"Well, thanks. I'll probably take you up on that."

"You gonna bring that sweet boy with you?"

"Who, Boyd?"

Ava laughed. "Well, him too, of course. I'll cook y'all up some nice fried chicken and biscuits."

"That sounds real nice, but I don't think so. It'll go a lot easier if I just come by myself. I don't think Harlan is quite ready for our triumphant return."

"I miss you boys. I haven't seen you since I was up there last year. I bet little Andrew wouldn't even know me."

"Nah, he loves to look at pictures of Aunt Ava. He always says you're the prettiest lady in the whole world. You can come visit us anytime, you know. You don't even need to call, just show up on our doorstep."

"It just don't feel right. You both belong here."

"I don't even know if that's true anymore, but even if it is, it can't work. Not now, anyway."

She sighed. "Well, you just let me know when you're coming, and I'll have a bed made up for you. And Raylan?"

"Yeah."

"I really am sorry about Arlo. I know you hated him, and you think he hated you, but he didn't. He had a lot of regrets, you know."

"I can't think about that right now, Ava."

"OK, honey. You take care, I'll see you when I see you."

"Bye."

Raylan finished his drink, poured another one, then went in to sit on the sofa with his son. He really didn't want to think about Arlo and his regrets, or the fact that he was going to have to go to Harlan and deal with the what his father had left behind. They were still sitting there when Boyd came in an hour later. He walked into the living room, took one look at Raylan's face, gave Andrew a hug and came to sit down between them.

"What happened?"

"Arlo's dead."

Andrew piped up, "Who's Arlo?"

"Arlo was my daddy. He was very old, and that's why he died."

"Will you die?"

"Not until I'm very old, and you're all grown up."

Raylan knew this wasn't absolutely certain to be true, but it seemed like the right thing to say. And anyway, if someone like Arlo could survive into old age, Raylan figured he should be able to as well.

"What about Boy?"

"Same goes for him."

"I didn't know you had a daddy."

"Yeah, I know. He wasn't a very nice one."

"Oh." He seemed puzzled by the concept of a not-nice daddy, which made Raylan feel good.

Boyd was watching this exchange, and he put his hand on the back of Raylan's neck.

"Come into the kitchen with me, would you? I could use a drink too."

Raylan got up and followed him, and sat down at the table while Boyd got himself a glass.

"You OK?"

"More or less. You know how it is."

"Yes, I do. Does this mean you have to go back to Harlan?"

"Yeah, I assume so. I'll probably stay at Ava's."

"That's good. She'll be happy to see you."

"She asked if you and Andrew were gonna come with me."

"What did you tell her?"

"I said I didn't think it would be the best idea."

"Probably true."

"Would you want to?"

"No... I don't know. Part of me wants to. I do miss Kentucky, you know. But I don't think I'm ready for all that."

"I know. I don't really miss Kentucky that much, generally speaking. I miss being there with you, though. We had some good times."

"Some day, maybe."

Raylan stood up and walked over to the chair where Boyd was sitting. He stood behind it and wrapped his good arm around Boyd's chest.

"Some day, definitely. I promise."

Boyd put his hand over Raylan's where it lay across his old gunshot wound.

"You still want to go out, or should we cancel the sitter?"

"Yeah, let's go out. Better than sitting here and moping over my conflicted emotions about my pathetic asshole father who hated everything about me."

"Right. Good thinking."

They drove into the city to have dinner in Fell's Point, and afterwards walked around the touristy, cobble-stoned neighborhood. Raylan still got a kick out of walking past the building where the show Homicide was filmed, which Boyd found amusing. They had kept the conversation light all through dinner, Boyd talking about Thomas Pynchon, whose novels he was currently working his way through, and Raylan mostly just enjoying hearing him talk (even though he had no plans to ever tackle _Gravity's Rainbow_ ). Boyd's love of literature was one of the first things that Raylan had loved about him, not because it was a passion he shared, but mostly because it was so out of the ordinary in Harlan, and so unexpected in someone with Boyd's background. Also because it had been a fairly big step for Boyd to bring it up in the first place, to let Raylan in on what he probably considered a secret part of himself.

As they walked down to the water, which looked much prettier at night when you couldn't see the things that were floating in it around the docks, Boyd finally brought up what they weren't talking about.

"Are you sure you'll be alright down there by yourself?"

"Better than if I had to worry about you and Andrew."

"What exactly are you afraid of, Raylan?"

"I don't know, exactly. It's just a generalized fear, I guess. It doesn't feel safe to me yet. There are still people around there who know me, and who know you, and who hate both of us. You showing up, out of the blue, after being away for years - that would be bad enough. I don't even want to think about what would happen if we tried to go down there as a couple, with a kid. Jesus, Boyd. You know this."

"I guess I do."

"I'll be fine. I'll be great, if I know you're here with him and I don't have to worry about anything else."

"OK, then that's what I'll do."

They drove home, paid the sitter and went to bed. Raylan felt very tired by the time he got under the covers. Boyd pulled him into the crook of his arm and stroked his back until he fell asleep.

The next morning, the Harlan County coroner called for Raylan to inform him of Arlo's death. The autopsy had revealed a stroke, and he asked Raylan what funeral home he would like the body transferred to. Raylan told him to choose one, and he got the phone number for that establishment. That conversation was unpleasant, not because it was difficult for him to decide what to do with the body (cremation) but because it reminded him of the burial plots on Arlo's - now Raylan's - property. Raylan did not want that house. He would never live there, he wanted no parts of it, but his mother was buried there, and Helen was buried there. He had no idea what he was going to do about it.

On Monday morning, Raylan booked a flight to Kentucky and called Ava to let her know he'd be coming in on Wednesday. He spoke to his boss and let her know that he needed to take two weeks leave, which he very much hoped would be more than enough time to get everything taken care of.

When he boarded the plane on Wednesday, his stomach was churning. The reality of the situation had kicked in, he was actually going to be in Harlan in a matter of hours. Suddenly, he wished Boyd was coming with him, regardless of how much more complicated that would make everything. He wanted Boyd next to him, he needed the support that he'd been depending on for the past three years. He had brought a couple of paperbacks, but he knew he wouldn't be able to read on the flight. He put in earbuds and listened to some old Steve Earle and a little Johnny Cash. When he was back in Baltimore, he often liked to listen to bluegrass, but today, on his way to Kentucky, that was the last thing he wanted to hear. After landing, he called Ava, rented a car and started driving towards Harlan. He arrived at Ava's at around 6:30 and she welcomed him with a warm hug. The smell of her and the food cooking in the house made him feel overwhelmed, like time was doubling back on him, and he felt dizzy.

"Woah, you OK? Come on, sit down."

"Yeah... I'll be fine. I'm just really tired. And I'm hungry too, it smells delicious."

"It's just about ready. You want something to drink?"

"Yes ma'am, I certainly do."

She brought him a glass of bourbon and sat down next to him on the sofa.

"You drink this, then we'll eat, and you can get yourself to bed early. You're a mess, honey."

"It's just a lot coming at me all at once. Getting shot, Arlo dying, coming here. You're right, I'll feel better after I get some food and sleep. Thanks for letting me stay here, I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Curl up in a ball and die, probably. Now get into the dining room and I'll get you something to eat."

The next morning Raylan woke up early and drove over to the Givens home. He sat in the car for a long while before getting up the strength to walk into the house. He wasn't sure where Arlo had kept the deed or any financial documents he might need to wrap things up here, so he headed upstairs and started searching the bedrooms. After an hour or so of finding nothing, he decided to take a break, and went out to the front porch. He needed to contact a lawyer down here, but wasn't sure who to call. He thought maybe the funeral director he'd spoken to might have a recommendation, but they wouldn't be open for another half hour or so. He sighed and closed his eyes, and was just drifting off a bit when he heard a familiar voice.

"Well, Raylan Givens, as I live and breathe."

Raylan opened his eyes and stood up to shake the man's hand.

"Hello, Art. What brings you down here?"

"I came to see you, Raylan, express my condolences. Shannon called to give me a heads up, let me know you'd be in my neck of the woods." Shannon Dell was Raylan's boss in Baltimore.

"Why did she do that? It's not like I'm working."

"Well, you know, it's possible that your reappearance here could ruffle a few feathers among the locals. She figured it was worth letting me know, that's all."

"I'm just here to get this dump ready to sell and deal with any of Arlo's financial and legal messes I may run into. I ain't about to go running around the hills stirring shit up."

"I know that, but you don't always need to go stirring up trouble. It seems to have a habit of seeking you out at times."

"What do you really want, Art? I'm just minding my own business here. I haven't spoken to a soul besides Ava Crowder, and the only other people I'm planning to see are a lawyer and a real estate agent."

"I don't want to bother you with anything right now. I just wanted to check in."

"Bullshit. You could have done that on the phone. What do you want?"

"Well, since you ask. Tim is bringing someone in this afternoon with ties to the Dixie mafia, and this guy's background is in Harlan. Maybe you know him, his name's - "

"No. Don't even tell me, I don't want to know. Are you crazy? Why would you even consider dragging me into this?"

"Raylan... I'm just wondering if your usefulness is really being optimized up there in Maryland. The kind of fugitives they deal with up there are not exactly in your wheelhouse. Not like here."

"What the fucking hell are you talking about? You can't possibly be thinking I'd - "

"Raylan, Raylan, I'm just looking for a little help, is all. Just a professional courtesy. I think this guy would respond better to you than to me or Tim. You're the Hillbilly Whisperer, remember?"

"Yeah, right. Forget it."

Art sighed. "Just think about it, ok?"

"No."

"Hey, speaking of hillbillies. You hear anything about Boyd Crowder these days? He disappeared from these parts about six months after you left, and we haven't heard hide nor hair of him since. We wondered if he got himself killed, maybe."

"Why are you asking about him?"

"Curious, mostly. Guy like that doesn't usually just go away and stop committing crimes, I would have figured we'd hear from him eventually. I thought maybe with your past... association with him, you might have heard something."

Raylan sighed. "I may have heard something about him doing a little landscaping up in Maryland and not bothering anybody."

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"I'm saying that you don't need to be worrying about Boyd Crowder."

"Well, then." Art looked decidedly uncomfortable now. "I guess I'll be heading back up to Lexington. You call me if you change your mind about doing me that favor."

"I won't."

Raylan went back in after that and eventually found at least some of the papers he was looking for, in a high cabinet in the kitchen. He made appointments with a lawyer and a Realtor for the following day, and then went into town for lunch. He couldn't stop thinking about Art's visit. He didn't fully understand it, but part of him really did want to come in and talk to whoever this scumbag was. Art had hit a nerve when he'd talked about Raylan's talents not being properly utilized. He missed dealing with people whose backgrounds he was intimately familiar with. These days he felt like he was operating from a constant disadvantage, whereas during his time in Kentucky, he'd had an inside track. Whatever he hadn't known, he'd been able to intuit effortlessly, and that was not the case in his current job. He didn't mind having to work a bit harder, he just missed the feeling of knowing all the angles.

He wrestled with his indecision, but ultimately gave in and called Art, who sounded like he'd just been wondering when it would happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to whoever is still with me on this series. This one was to set some stuff up, but the next chapter should be more interesting (and have some sex in it, I promise). I think it will wrap up with just one more chapter, but not totally sure yet.
> 
> The chapter title is from "La Cienega Just Smiled."


	3. Promise You That I Will Keep You Safe From Harm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raylan has to go to Harlan, and Boyd doesn't want him to go alone. It turns out, he has good reason to feel that way.

It wasn't that Boyd was missing Raylan terribly, at least the first few days. He was a loner at heart, so he didn't have much trouble filling the quiet hours after Andrew was asleep. The problem was that Raylan was in Harlan, and it made Boyd nervous and antsy. He hated to think of Raylan being there without him. If asked, he couldn't have said why this bothered him so much, only that it did. He thought of his own time in Harlan after Raylan had moved up to New York, a time that he avoided thinking about as much as possible. It had been a very bleak time for him; he had felt utterly bereft, completely empty. This was far different, of course. That time, Boyd had thought Raylan was lost to him forever. The decision to drive up there to see him had been a measure of his desperation, and he had half expected Raylan to send him straight back, but as soon as Boyd saw him, he knew he'd made the right choice. Raylan had needed him as much as he had needed Raylan. This time, Boyd knew that Raylan needed him, and he felt like he'd made a big mistake by letting him go there alone. Even though he understood Raylan's arguments against coming, he still thought it was more dangerous for him to be there on his own. Harlan had always been tough on Raylan, it seemed to wear him down more than it did others. Boyd had a theory about that, though he thought Raylan would probably disagree with it. Harlan was so much a part of who Raylan was that he could never truly get away from it, but he spent a huge part of his emotional energy fighting that fact. He didn't want to belong there, he hated that he did, and being there made it that much harder to fight the way it sucked him in like quicksand. Once it did, once he stopped fighting it, Raylan was happier. Boyd had seen it happen when Raylan first returned - he'd seen how pissed off Raylan had been to be back, but that had stopped after a while. Boyd thought it was probably the business with the Bennetts that had ultimately done it - that Givens blood winning out after all. By the time they'd found their way back to each other, Raylan had been part of his home again. Boyd longed to be back there with him, to revisit all the haunted places of their past, together.

He talked to Raylan the second night he was there, and was displeased but not surprised to hear about Art's request. Neither was he surprised to hear that Raylan had gone ahead and granted it.

"I won't ask you why you did it, because I know why you did it. But don't you think it was kind of stupid?"

"Yeah, probably. It sure was satisfying, though."

"Who was it, anyway?"

"Oh, you remember Billy Coyle?"

"Christ, yes. I beat the living shit out of him one time at school... can't rightly remember why, but I'm sure he deserved it. What a fuckin' asshole."

"Oh yeah... I forgot about that. Course, we weren't friends yet when that happened. I remember thinking I didn't know which of you jackasses I was rooting for."

"Never bet against a Crowder in a fight, Raylan."

"I know that."

"So you're done now, right? No more marshal bullshit while you're down there?"

Raylan didn't answer, and Boyd suddenly had a bad feeling.

"I swear to God, if you get yourself involved in some fuckin' mess up in them hills again, I will get on a plane and - "

"Don't forget to pack your rocket launcher this time."

"Shut up, Raylan. That ain't funny."

"It's a little funny. Look, I'm sorry. You don't have anything to worry about, I'm not allowed in the field anyway, remember? The most I'll do is help out in a couple witness interviews, OK?"

"The field. Yeah, right. Maybe that means something here, but not there, where everyone knows exactly where to find you."

"Can you let this go, please? I wanted to hear your voice, but not if it's lecturing me."

"Yeah, alright. For now. How's all the other stuff going?"

"Pretty well. The lawyer's getting some papers together for me to sign, and it's not like there's a huge estate to deal with. All I need to do now is figure out what to do about the house."

They talked for another twenty minutes or so, and when they hung up, Boyd felt even more uneasy than he had before the conversation started. Raylan wasn't fooling him or anyone else, he was quite sure. Harlan was already pulling him back in.

The next week went by, and they talked most nights for a few minutes, mostly just to say goodnight. Then Boyd didn't hear from him for two days, and when he called his cell the second night, it went straight to voicemail. That was a decidedly bad sign. He tried the house phone at Arlo's and got no answer. He called Ava, and she said she'd seen him the previous morning, but that he hadn't come back to her house. She assumed he had just crashed at Arlo's house, but she did think it was strange he hadn't called her to let her know.

"Ava, I need you to call Art Mullen at the Marshal's office. He's been doing some work for them, and... I don't know, just call him."

"OK, I will. I'll call you if I find anything out."

"Call me either way."

He hung up, feeling completely helpless. He didn't know anyone he could call in Harlan anymore, not that he'd ever known anyone he could trust to go check up on a federal marshal just to make sure he was OK. He poured himself a drink and went to sit outside. It was hot and humid, and if he closed his eyes he could imagine that he was in Kentucky. The air smelled different, of course, but if he kept his nose in his bourbon that wouldn't be a problem. After what seemed like a year, Ava called him back.

"I called the Marshal's office but Art Mullen wasn't there. I spoke to a guy named Tim Gutterson, and he said he would have the sheriff come out and check the house. He said he'd call back when they know something."

"Thanks, Ava. You'll let me know as soon as you hear."

"Of course I will, stupid. What do you think?"

Boyd didn't hear anything until the next morning, when Ava called him back again.

"He wasn't at the house, and his car wasn't there either.He asked me a bunch of questions about Raylan's enemies or whatever, but there wasn't much I could tell him."

Boyd called out from work for the day, but took Andrew into his daycare center anyway. He needed to think. He couldn't imagine what he could tell Tim Gutterson about who might be after Raylan, but he figured it was worth a shot. He decided to call, hoping that Raylan wouldn't be too angry about it if this turned out to be nothing.

He called and asked for Deputy Marshal Gutterson.

"Hello, this is Tim Gutterson. What can I do for you?"

"Hello Marshal. This is Boyd Crowder."

"Is that so? I haven't heard that name in quite awhile. To what do I owe your call, Mr. Crowder?"

"I'm calling about Raylan Givens."

"You have information regarding Deputy Marshal Givens?" His voice was suddenly sharper.

"Well... I have no information on where he might be, no. I'd like to be of any help that I can, of course, but I haven't lived in Harlan in quite some time, as you may know. I was actually calling to see if you had any information you could share with me about this."

"And why would I do that?"

"Well... because I am concerned about him. I have not spoken to Raylan in three days, and his phone is dead. I was given to understand that he was doing some work for the Lexington office, and now he seems to have disappeared."

"Mr. Crowder... are you telling me you've been in regular contact with him?"

"Yes, goddamn it. Don't you people communicate with the other marshal offices? I'm his emergency contact. We live together. I just dropped his son off at daycare. OK? Can we move past this?"

"I... OK. Sorry, he didn't say anything."

"I can't imagine why not."

"Uh... well, unfortunately, I don't really have any information to provide. You don't happen to know a man named Billy Coyle, do you?"

"I knew him a long time ago. He left Harlan after high school, I believe he had family up outside of Louisville, and I know he was involved with some shady people. His name came up occasionally when I was in that line of work, but I never had any dealings with him directly."

"I see. Can you think of anyone in the Harlan area that he might get in touch with? Possibly someone with a grudge against Raylan?"

"Other than the usual suspects, no. I assume you've got the obvious angles covered, right? Although, maybe not. I must say I find myself in some doubt of your detective skills, Marshal Gutterson."

"You're really living with him? How does that even... That's just... "

"Don't tax your brain, Marshal. Save it for finding Raylan. You do that, you're welcome to ask me any insulting questions you wish, and I will happily answer them."

"I may need to call you. Is this the best number to reach you?"

"That's fine, it's my cell. Please call as soon as you know anything . I know you don't care about me, but his son has been asking to talk to him. I don't know what to tell him."

"I'll call as soon as anything comes up. Let me give you my cell number in case you need to get in touch with me, if you think of anything..."

After Boyd hung up he paced the room for about thirty seconds before deciding to do what he'd known he was going to do from the second he'd called Raylan's dead phone. He threw some clothes into a bag for himself and Andrew, grabbed bags of snack food from the kitchen cabinet, filled a sippy cup with apple juice and headed out to Raylan's car. He called the daycare center on the way, and Andrew was waiting for him when he got there.

"Why did you pick me up? We didn't even have morning snack yet."

"I know, kid. I decided you and I would take a little trip and go visit Aunt Ava."

"Daddy is at Aunt Ava's!"

"He was at her house, but he might be staying somewhere else right now. We're going to stay with her, and I'm going to go find your daddy."

"Is he lost?"

"I hope not, but if he is I'm gonna find him."

"OK. Can we get McDonald's for lunch?"

"You bet."

Andrew dozed off after a while, and Boyd did his best to chase the bad thoughts out of his head. He listened to NPR until he lost the signal for the local station, then put some music on. They stopped for lunch and to use the bathroom, and then got back on the road as quickly as Boyd could manage. When they passed Roanoke, Boyd called Ava.

"Hey darlin'. I'm on my way down there. Be there in about four hours, maybe a little more.

"Oh, thank God. I knew you would."

"I don't know what good I'm really gonna be able to do, though. Could be I'll just make things worse."

"You just get on down here, honey. It's where you need to be right now."

"I know it. I'll see you soon."

They stopped for dinner and then drove straight through to Harlan after that. They got to Ava's at around 8 o'clock, and Boyd carried a once again sleeping Andrew into the house. Ava took the boy and gave Boyd a kiss.

"I'll put him to bed."

"Thanks. Make sure he uses the bathroom first." He kissed Andrew on the forehead, then walked over to grab Ava's shotgun off the wall where it was kept. She put him down on the sofa and followed Boyd.

"Boyd, what the hell do you think you're doing?"

"I'm going to find Raylan, what do you think I'm doing?"

"Boyd! What if something happens to you? What if Raylan is - "

"Don't you get it, Ava? If Raylan is gone, then that boy is lost to me anyway. It doesn't matter if I get killed, or go to jail. I have no claim on him. Just get him to bed, Ava. Make him feel safe. I'm going to find Raylan, one way or the other."

"Boyd, be careful. If you find him, just get the hell out of wherever you are, don't do anything more than you need to do."

"That's all I plan to do. I need to borrow your truck, I don't think the car is going to do very well in some of the places I might need to drive."

"Yeah, go ahead."

He took the keys from where they were hanging by the door and got into the truck. He couldn't think of anyone in Harlan who would particularly want to see him, but he figured Dewey Crowe was a good place to start. Stupid and easy to intimidate was probably his best bet. He drove out to the house that Dewey shared with two other lowlifes and banged on the door. When Dewey answered, Boyd grabbed him and pulled him outside, shoving him up against the dirty vinyl siding.

"Holy shit! What the fuck are you doin' here, Boyd?"

"No time for pleasantries, Dewey. I need to find Raylan Givens. What have you heard about him being around here this week?"

"You're after him too? Damn, everyone's crawlin' outta the woodwork to get his ass."

"What's that mean, everyone? Who else was after him?"

"You know what? I heard something about you and him. I thought it was crazy at the time and I didn't pay it much mind, but now I gotta wonder."

"Dewey, who's got Raylan?"

"It's true, ain't it? You and Raylan Givens, fuckin' each other in the ass. Now that is some shit."

Boyd shoved an elbow into the base of his throat. "I'll shove my gun up _your_ ass if you don't tell me what you know right fucking now."

"OK, OK, Boyd. What I heard, Dickie Bennett got wind that Arlo Givens died and Raylan was back in town. He got in touch with some cousins of his, don't know where from, and I heard they were going looking for him. That's all I know."

Boyd pushed harder against his throat. "You sure?"

"Yeah! I ain't exactly best fuckin' friends with Dickie. I only know what I heard."

Boyd released him. "I find out you were holding anything back, I'll come back and kill you, Dewey. That's a goddamn promise."

Boyd got back in the truck, but he didn't have any real ideas about where to go. The Bennetts... Jesus Christ. This fucking place. Suddenly he understood exactly how Raylan had always felt about being here. He drove out to the site of Bennett's store, looked around and found it deserted. He tried the house where Dickie and Coover had been living before everything had happened, and it was also empty. Boyd couldn't figure out what had happened. Raylan wouldn't have gone out after anyone, he was pretty sure. Although, if he did find out that was what happened, Boyd was going to be fucking pissed. If people were after him, it would have made the most sense to just kill him at Arlo's house, when he was by himself. Or maybe they'd followed him somewhere... but where would he have gone, besides Ava's house or maybe into town for lunch?

He was driving back towards Ava's when it hit him. As soon as he thought about it, he knew it had to be right, and he started speeding towards the lake. He parked on the side of the road, grabbed the shotgun and started running in towards his and Raylan's old place. Of course Raylan would have stopped out here; Boyd would have done the same thing. He saw an empty, beat-up pickup parked in some bushes, then a bit further on he saw a rental car with the keys still in the ignition. He looked around, thankful for the mostly full moon over the lake, and saw some trampled reeds a few feet away. Carefully, he followed the crushed path, but the deeper he got into the woods, the harder it was to see anything. He thought Ava might have a flashlight in the truck, but he didn't want to turn back now. He knew he was close. He walked a few more feet and almost tripped over a man's body. His stomach plummeted, but he quickly saw that it wasn't Raylan. It was some skinny hillbilly Boyd didn't recognize, but he did bear a resemblance to rat-faced Dickie Bennett. He heard someone or something moving, and he stepped over the body and walked towards the sound. Then he saw him - Raylan was sitting slumped against a tree, half falling over. Boyd could make out a bunch of bruises on his face, he'd been badly beaten, and before he even touched him he could feel the intense heat of a high fever. He knew there must be an injury somewhere that had gotten infected, but it was hard to see in the low light. He didn't really want to move Raylan like this, so he tried his phone, but there was no service here. Of course.

"Come on, Raylan. Let's get you up."

He put his arm behind Raylan, under his shoulders, and tried to get him standing up. Raylan moaned, but didn't speak. He had no strength in his legs at all, and wasn't conscious enough to help. Boyd basically dragged him over to the rental car and put him in the front seat, reclining it as far as it would go. He could see the injury now - there was a long gash from a knife in his side, and it definitely looked infected. He started driving towards the nearest hospital, talking to Raylan the whole way and hoping he could hear him and would stay with him. At one point, Raylan looked over, his eyes seemed to clear momentarily and he spoke.

"Boyd, you found me. Knew you would, I was waiting for you... always got my back."

"Yeah, I know, Raylan. I'm sorry it took me so long." Boyd swallowed a sharp lump that came up in his throat.

Raylan was out again, and remained out as Boyd parked in front of the hospital entrance and ran in to tell them what had happened. They brought a stretcher out and took Raylan inside, and all at once Boyd felt like he might collapse. He parked the car and went inside to find out where they'd taken him, then sat down in the waiting room and called Tim Gutterson's cell. He told him briefly what had happened and said he'd be at the hospital. Then he called Ava, and told her she could come by with Andrew in the morning. He didn't know if Raylan would be in any condition to see him, but if not, Boyd could take him out for breakfast.

Tim showed up a few hours later and shook Boyd awake.

"Hello, Mr. Crowder"

"Marshal Gutterson."

"I'd like to know why you didn't call when you found out where Raylan was."

"I didn't exactly find out, it was just a thought. And I was already close by, so I didn't want to waste any more time."

"You put yourself in a great deal of possible danger."

Boyd just shrugged. As far as he was concerned, there had been no choice involved.

"How did you know he was out at the lake?"

"Like I said, it was just a thought. Raylan liked it there."

"Do you know who the other guy was?"

"Not specifically, but Dewey Crowe said some cousins of the Bennetts were after him. He looked like family, far as I could tell."

"We talked to Dewey Crowe and he didn't say anything like that to us."

"Yeah, well. What do you expect? You're not from here."

Tim sighed. "Right. Of course. Well, I'll be back tomorrow to check in on Raylan, but if he wakes up would you mind giving me a call?"

"Sure, I'll do that."

Boyd dozed on and off for the next couple hours, and then at around 5am a nurse came up to him and asked if he was Boyd Crowder.

"Yes ma'am."

She smiled. "Mr. Givens is awake and asking for you. His fever is down and he's stable, but you can only have about five minutes. He needs to rest."

"Five minutes would be great, thank you."

Boyd went in to find Raylan in a darkened room with his eyes closed. He went up to the bed and put his hand on Raylan's shoulder, and his eyes opened. He smiled up at Boyd, then winced when it pulled at the bruises and cuts on his face.

"Hey, Raylan."

"Hey, Boyd. Thanks for coming to get me." His voice was weak and soft, but he no longer sounded delirious.

"I may never let you out of my sight again. Once I get you home, I'm gonna be on you like glue."

"Home, huh? I thought this was home."

"Well, maybe. If home means the place where you have a target on your back just because of your name, or the place where all our bad memories live, or the place where we can't ever expect to be together without ridicule and possible violence, or where our child would get beat up at school because of who his parents are. If that's what home is, you can keep it."

"I don't think I ever heard you call him 'our child' before."

"No? I always thought of him that way."

"I know."

"Raylan... I don't say it too often, but you know I love you, right? You don't ever doubt that, do you?"

"Nope. Never once."

"I'm sorry I acted like such a dick about getting married. I don't know what my problem was. I should have been excited, I should have been fucking thrilled that you wanted that. And that we can do it. I am now. I can't think of anything I want more than that."

"It's ok. I acted like I didn't understand why, but I did. Sort of, anyway."

"So where do you want to go on our honeymoon?"

"I know just the place."

 

********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

 

One month later, they pulled up in front of a familiar house in Michigan. It had been raining all day, and the sky over the lake was a dull, bruised-looking gray.

"No swimming today, I guess."

"Raylan, I don't care if it rains all week. All I want is to get you inside, get your fucking clothes off and do all the things I been thinkin' about the whole way up here."

"Well, shit. You don't have to tell me twice, let's go."

They got out and went to the door, Raylan fumbling with the key as Boyd came up behind him and started kissing his neck and running his hands under the front of his t-shirt. Raylan laughed a little breathlessly, and managed to push the key in. The lock finally clicked, and Raylan turned to kiss him on the mouth before opening the door. They walked toward the bedroom, stripping off clothes as they went. Raylan pulled Boyd onto the bed, kissing him and grabbing his ass, pulling him hard against his own hips. They kissed and embraced for a very long time, enjoying the privacy and time and freedom that they so rarely got to experience these days.

"What do you want, Boyd? You can have anything."

Boyd pulled back to look at Raylan's face. "I got everything already. What else could I want?"

"Then you can give me what I want."

Boyd grinned, and apparently Raylan recognized that grin, because it made him sink his teeth into Boyd's shoulder.

Boyd moved down and took Raylan into his mouth.

"Not too much, Boyd. I got bigger plans for you than that.."

Boyd pulled off and gave him a big lick before coming back up to kiss him on the mouth.

"You do, huh? You gonna give it to me, Raylan?"

"I'm gonna give you everything."

Raylan wasn't in any kind of rush today, but he knew Boyd liked it a little rough. He pushed Boyd's legs back and went to work with his fingers, not taking his time as much as he could. Boyd didn't seem to mind - he groaned and thrust himself back onto them.

"Don't worry about me, you ain't gonna hurt me, Raylan."

"I know that. You can take a lot, can't you, Boyd."

"A lot more than that, anyway. Let's go, darlin'."

"Don't call me that, asshole." Raylan said, but he was smiling. He didn't really care what Boyd called him right about now, and anyway, he was happy enough to be Boyd's darling. But Boyd didn't need to know that.

Raylan pulled his fingers out and lubed up his cock. He'd want a bit more attention before going for it if he were in Boyd's position, but he knew Boyd had different tastes.

"You ready, Boyd?"

"You know you never need to ask me."

He tried to push in slowly, but Boyd pushed back hard, and Raylan was all the way in quickly. It was rough and hot, and Raylan had to pause a minute to get himself under control.

"Shit, you ain't 19 anymore. Fucking _move._ "

Raylan stared down at him, taking in the hard, square-jawed face with eyes that were looking back at him as if they could see everything about him, and loved him anyway. Even though they had been back together for several years now, Boyd still did it for him like no one else ever had. He still felt like he was 19 sometimes, with Boyd, even after so much time. Maybe because they'd spent so many years apart, wishing they could be together, neither one was taking anything for granted yet. On an impulse, reached down and ran his thumb across Boyd's cheek, just wanting to touch him, and Boyd squeezed his eyes shut for a second. Then Raylan moved, just like Boyd wanted. He went as hard as he could, all sensation was focused in his cock at that moment, he couldn't feel anything else. He wanted to give Boyd as much as he could, didn't want to finish too soon, so he closed his eyes.

"No way, Raylan. Open those eyes. I need to see you."

"I can't look at you right now. I'll come."

He took Raylan's hand from where it was gripping the back of his thigh and moved it to his cock.

"Come on, look at me."

Raylan opened his eyes. Boyd was looking straight back at him, mouth slightly open, looking like he was not much more in control than Raylan. Holding his gaze, Raylan started moving again. Boyd's hand was on top of his, where it was loosely wrapped around Boyd's cock, and they moved their hands together.

"Oh God, Raylan. That's so good... gimme more. Come _on_ , Raylan. More. Fuck me _hard_."

Raylan laughed, because he was pretty sure that he could not be fucking him any harder. He pulled his hand away from Boyd's cock and grabbed his thigh again, gripping both of them and slamming into him twice, and then he was coming as hard as he ever had. He let out a shout and then bit down on the inside of Boyd's leg. Boyd had been stroking himself, and at that moment he came in his fist. Raylan kissed him on the leg in the spot where he'd bitten him, then smiled down at him.

He pulled out carefully and lay down next to Boyd, placing his hand on Boyd's chest and kissing him on the shoulder.

"You make me crazy, Boyd, you know that? I can't control myself with you."

"You never could. But shit, that's ok with me. I love to see you lose it."

"I love you, you know."

"Yeah, I know. I fucking love you too."

"I think we're the only people that makes any sense to."

"Nah, that ain't true. Makes sense to Andrew, I bet. And Ava seems to get it."

"Yeah, well. Andrew's just a kid, and Ava has already proven she's kind of nuts since she had the bad sense to fall in love with both of us."

"You got a point there, maybe. But that's OK with me, I'd rather be understood by kids and crazy people. They're the ones God looks out for, right? Maybe a little of that'll rub off on us."

"I thought you didn't believe in God anymore."

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe I don't, but I'd like to be able to thank someone for the way I feel right now."

Raylan was not in the mood for a theological discussion at the moment (or ever) so he pushed Boyd back onto his pillow and gave him a long kiss on the mouth.

"How long you think a couple of geezers like us need before we can go again?"

Boyd grinned. It was going to be a fun week.

 

We belong here, we belong here  
There ain't nobody than I can tell this to  
Hear me say, say this to you  
I'll stand by your side, see you through  
I promise you that I will keep you safe from harm  
Love you the rest of my days  
When the night is silent and we seem so far away  
Oh I love you but I don't know what to say  
I was lost, I was lost  
I tried to find the balance, but got caught up in the cost  
I let it go, when I met you  
The clouds inside me parted and all that light came shining through  
I promise you that I will keep you safe from harm  
And love you all the rest of my days  
When the night is silent and we seem so far away  
Oh I love you and I don't know what to say

I promise you that I will keep you safe from harm  
And love you all the rest of my days  
When the night is silent and we seem so far away  
Oh I love you when I don't know what to say

Oh I love you and I don't know what to say


End file.
